


The Brothers Katachthonios

by That_Weird_Guy_From_Work



Category: Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Japanese Mythology, La Divina Commedia | The Divine Comedy - Dante Alighieri, Lore Olympus (Webcomic), Norse Religion & Lore
Genre: Brotherhood, F/F, F/M, Family, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-18 23:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22968358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_Weird_Guy_From_Work/pseuds/That_Weird_Guy_From_Work
Summary: "The friendship of brothers has the characteristics found in that of comrades and in general between people who are like each other, is as much as they belong more to each other and start with a love for each other from their very birth, and in as much as those born to the same parents and brought up together and similarly educated are more akin in character; and the test of time has been applied most fully and convincingly in their case."~Aristotle, Nichomachean Ethics,  Book VIII
Relationships: Amaterasu no Mikoto/Original Character, Ariadne/Dionysus (Ancient Greek Religion & Lore), Dante Alighieri/Original Character, Hades/Persephone, Hades/Persephone (Lore Olympus), Zagreus/Hedone
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	The Brothers Katachthonios

“There’s no other love like the love from a brother.”  
– Astrid Alauda  
_______________________________  
December 31st, Circa ~600 B.C  
7:02 P.M  
Hades and Persephone’s Abode, Greek Underworld

A young god burst into his bathroom, tears trailing down his face as golden ichor spilled from his wrists. His skin was a sort of blue violet, and his hair, while naturally a blue so pale it was effectively white, was dyed pitch black. It was wavy and fell down to just above his shoulders, covering one eye. He possessed many of his father’s traits, most obviously visible among them being the high and gaunt cheekbones, jaw, chin, large nose, and red eyes. From his mother, he received his larger eyes, and his mouth, which, unlike hers, was nearly always in the shape of a mildly melancholic frown, though now it was best described simply as “panicked.” He was on the smaller side when compared to his father, standing at around 5’9, and with his slim build and seemingly minimal muscle tone, he did not strike a particularly intimidating figure.  
Unlike both of his parents, however, prominent Ibex horns sprouted from his head.  
“Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK-” the young god hissed frantically. Biting his lip, he raised his wrists to put them in clear view, and forced himself to look at them, in spite of them oozing ichor disturbingly quickly. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them, they were glowing pure white. The seconds it took felt like hours of agony, but when he was done, his healing powers had done a perfect job. He let go of a great deal of breath he didn’t quite realize he’d been holding in, collapsing on his bathroom floor. He panted heavily, his hands shaking. He’d lost a fair bit of blood from that encounter, and while his powers had replaced some of it, his vision was still blurry from the pain and shock.  
He blinked several times in rapid succession before tightly gripping his bathroom countertop and pulling himself to a standing position, wiping the sweat from his forehead and tears from his cheeks with his free hand. He felt dizzy, almost ready to vomit. He rushed over to the toilet and did so, face flushing from the strain and his own shame. He turned away from the toilet bowl and rested against the wall, breathing heavily. He didn’t know how long he sat there for. No truly coherent thoughts passed through his mind, only a whirlwind of seemingly contradictory emotions.  
Then, he heard a voice from outside his bathroom and, by extension, bedroom. He recognized it as his mother’s. “Zagreus, are you alright? I heard a thump.”  
Zagreus adjusted his voice to a tone that wouldn’t worry his mother. “Y-yeah mom, just tripped.”  
Then, another voice. His father. “Zagreus, you need to move. I hate parties as much as you do, but this party is going to double as a mixer for high-ranking Underworld Corp employees. Your mother and I are required to go and we have to talk with some other executives while we’re there, and you need to do some networking, introduce yourself to our colleagues. Don’t just find relatives to talk to.”  
If Zagreus hadn’t been as upset as he was, he might have been capable of finding the humor in that statement.  
His mother chimed in again. “Are you dressed?”  
Was he? He couldn’t remember after all of that. He looked down at himself. He’d rolled up his sleeves to slit his wrists, and he’d left his jacket laying on his bed.  
“Uh, yeah, yeah, j-just need to find a pair of gloves.”  
“Good. We’re leaving in fifteen minutes.” His father stated bluntly, voice trailing off as if to indicate that he was walking away.  
Fortunately, his bathroom floor was tiled, and he’d be able to discreetly dispose of his bedroom floor’s rug while his parents were still at work tomorrow. Zagreus quickly grabbed multiple fistfulls of paper towel out from under his sink and cleaned up his blood, hiding the soaked towels in a trash bag under the sink before he could properly dispose of them along with his rug later. He exited his room, his pocket watch (a replica of his father’s) telling him he had roughly seven minutes left, and quickly slipped into his jacket. He’d been given full control of what he wore to this event, for once, and he’d chosen a floral-patterned black vest and silver shirt, black slacks, black socks, black shoes, a black tie, and black gloves. Speaking of which, he dug the aforementioned gloves out of his bedside table and tugged them on for the first time, having placed them there after purchasing them earlier that week.  
These were what his father wore every day? Gods, they were tight, though they did permit his fingers a full range of movement.  
He paused briefly when he heard his mother’s voice, addressing him again. “Hey, so, since we couldn’t find a babysitter on such short notice, we’ll be bringing Dionysus with us. Just so you know.”  
Bringing a baby to a New Year’s party? That sounded insane. Granted, he’d been brought to them before at young ages for the same reason, but Zagreus still had a bad feeling about this. He didn’t want to risk damaging Dionysus’ hearing. Even if it was supposed to be a more “civilized” event, his uncle Poseidon and his aunt Amphitrite had been invited, which meant it wouldn’t stay like that for long. Slipping his shoes on, he exited his bedroom door to find his mother in a white evening gown waiting outside.  
She cocked her head to the side when she saw him, approaching him and reaching up to place her hand on his cheek in concern. “Zagreus, are you alright? You look sick.”  
Zagreus smiled at his mother’s warm touch, raising his hand to meet hers. “I’m fine, mom.”  
Zagreus’ father, dressed in his usual black suit and gloves, walked up the stairs with a sleeping Dionysus in one arm, looking at them both and jerking his thumb back down said stairs. “I love you two, but we need to go. Now.”  
Zagreus’ mother frowned, pressing her lips together at his father. “Hades, we are monarchs and this is our baby boy! Any party held in our domain can wait as long as we tell it to wait.” Zagreus did not appreciate being referred to as a “baby boy,” though he understood his mother’s intent. In his opinion, the only baby boy in the room was the literal baby that his father was holding.  
Hades looked as if he felt that he had misspoken and was attempting to discern how to phrase his sentiment correctly during his extremely limited timeframe. “Persephone, I-”  
Persephone shut him down with another look.  
Zagreus squeezed her hand and lowered it. “I’m fine, mom, I just get nervous about parties like this. Let’s, er, let’s go.”  
Hades motioned towards the stairs, and all three of them followed towards their massive garage. Hades selected a car and walked over to it, placing his hand on Zagreus’ shoulder. “I used to get anxious about crowds and when I was young too. You’ll grow out of it with experience. Sixteen is a very young age for a god. Very young age in general.”  
Zagreus nodded politely, suppressing frustration and the urge to remind his father that he was still in Kronos’ stomach when he was sixteen before his eyes flickered to the bundle in his father’s arm. “Thanks, dad. Appreciate the advice. May, erhm, may I hold him?”  
Hades smiled with something resembling nostalgia before gingerly passing the small white bundle in his arms to Zagreus. “Of course. He’ll be safer in the back seat with you if the airbag goes off.”  
Zagreus gazed reverently upon the small purple baby with the cute button nose and thick wavy purple hair, very long for a baby, lined with the occasional small vine. He possessed small curled nubs just above his hairline, the start of a pair of horns. His large eyes, clearly his mother’s, were closed.  
Zagreus moved to sit down in the back seat, but Persephone stopped him before he could. “Just let me know if something’s wrong, okay, sweetie? We can go home whenever you need to, or if Dionysus needs anything we can’t give him.” Zagreus kissed his mother on the cheek, humoring her concern but feeling no less frustrated than when his father indirectly patronized him. “Of course. I’ll find you as fast as I can if he gets hungry or starts crying.”  
Persephone gave him a smile befitting a mother worried about being separated from her infant son, but also trusting her son’s capabilities as a caretaker. Zagreus and his mother entered the car as Hades started it and made the short drive to Underworld Corp’s headquarters. As Zagreus’ parents conversed about something he had minimal interest in, he looked down at his half-brother in his arms, mildly surprised to find him awake. The car’s engine must have woken him up. Zagreus looked into the little god’s large, curious magenta eyes. He may have just been an infant, but he certainly didn’t behave much like Zagreus expected infants to. He was quiet, observant, and appeared bizarrely aware. His parents had told him he had behaved in a similar manner as a baby as well.  
Zagreus cocked his head to the side as he raised an eyebrow, a small smile slowly passing across his face. Dionysus, humorously enough, mimicked the action, blinking with an innocent curiosity. Zagreus smiled much wider, removing one of his gloves to affectionately poke Dionysus’ nose, mouthing “boop.” The infantile deity giggled and burbled happily in response. Zagreus bit his lower lip. How could he have attempted to end his own life when such joy existed in the world? He wiped away the tears created by such a thought and kissed his little brother’s forehead, eliciting more happy burbling as Zagreus placed him in his lap and provided him one of his ungloved fingers to suck on for the remainder of the drive as Zagreus enjoyed the endless stars in the Underworld’s sky through the heavily-tinted window.  
It only took them a few minutes to reach Underworld Corp’s headquarters, parking in Hades’ dedicated spot directly in front of the sidewalk leading up to the skyscraper’s entrance. Zagreus had been there multiple times, for a multitude of reasons, but it never once failed to astound him how incredibly tall the building was. Zagreus carefully removed his finger from Dionysus’ mouth before wiping it off on Dionysus’ blanket and picking him up gently and exiting the car, passing him off to his mother. Hades looked all the way up to the top of the building, where bright lights could be seen through the windows of the top floor, just below the huge tree sprouting from the top of the building, which was reportedly created on the day ages ago that Zagreus’ parents claimed that they fell in love with each other.  
“Party’s happening on the top floor, on the opposite end of the building from my office.” Hades explained flatly, sighing.  
Zagreus raised an eyebrow at his father. “You sure you don’t want Poseidon getting into your stuff?”  
Hades chuckled to himself, tilting his head downwards. His eyes flashed red for just a moment. “I don’t think anyone will try anything while we’re on the same floor as Tartarus. Poseidon once spent a week sealed up in there for stealing the Helm of Darkness and using it to prank people during a gathering. Besides, if they do pull something, we’ll know who not to invite next year.”  
In stark tonal contrast to that statement, Persephone loudly blew on Dionysus’ belly, eliciting a happy squeal from Dionysus and bout of laughter from both of them. Zagreus deigned to avoid thinking about his uncle being chained up in Tartarus for such a minor (and hilarious) offense and using his office and assorted artifacts as bait for potential troublemakers and focus instead on what his mother and baby brother were doing.  
Hades wordlessly motioned for all of them to follow him up the steps; highly familiar to Hades and Persephone while remaining almost invincibly foreign to Zagreus. They got several looks while entering the building, particularly Persephone with Dionysus. Approaching and entering the elevator, the tiny red nymph at the buttons immediately recognized the family and hastily pressed the button for the top floor.  
Upon reaching the floor, Hades tossed her his usual diamond for gratuity, while Zagreus had to cover for his mother. He wasn’t particularly good at producing flora in the same way she was, but after some effort, he successfully produced a small pink carnation bloom from his fingertip. He passed it to the nymph and waved at her awkwardly before catching up with his parents, who had already started walking towards the party, all three (plus the baby) following the banners reading “Happy New Year!” As Zagreus’ parents talked about something that he wasn’t paying particularly close attention to, he examined the labelling on the walls. He had always found it fascinating that Hades kept the entrance to Tartarus right next to his office, but it made sense. Hades was the most powerful god in the pantheon, he needed to stay right there to quell any trouble that arose. Zagreus focused again on his parents, growing gradually more and more anxious as the noise grew louder and louder, and they weren’t even close to the event hall.  
“Hey, uh, mom?” He gently tapped on Persephone’s shoulder to get her attention.  
“Yes, sweetheart?”  
“...how many people RSVP’d for this?”  
Persephone looked to her husband for a number. “Hades?”  
Hades stopped, thinking for a moment. “Approximately two-hundred, I believe. Nine of the ten Olympians, some of the Titans that shrunk themselves for the occasion, your grandmother included, lots of nature spirits and Nymphs, many minor and foreign deities, a few heroes, the like.”  
Zagreus immediately felt relieved that he’d be able to retreat to his grandmother Rhea’s calming presence as necessary.  
Persephone breathed deeply, shakily. “And Zagreus, remember, please refrain from asking Queen Hera any questions about Zeus. Just, please don’t bring him up.”  
Zagreus felt himself fill with rage at the mention of that monster. He nodded. “Have no intention of doing so.” His hands began shaking again.  
Hades, who had reacted similarly to his son to the point where light began to drain from the hallway and his eyes were glowing the color of human blood, breathed deeply. Light returned to the hallway. “We’ll just refrain from mentioning him at all unless absolutely necessary.”  
Persephone shifted Dionysus, who had fallen back asleep, into just one arm as she grabbed Hades’ hand and smiled at both of them. “I’m, I’m okay. Let’s just spend an hour or two here, then go home and get to sleep.”  
Zagreus calmed himself down to the extent that he was able and feigned another smile, for his family’s sake, and then followed them down the rest of the passageway, to a pair of glass doors accented with black wood that opened to the event hall. Scratched into the wooden part of the door on the right in what was probably Poseidon’s handwriting read “Abandon all inhibitions, ye who enter here.”  
Though having never been in the event hall before, Zagreus could tell what it was from the extremely loud music that felt as if it was threatening to destroy the entire building’s structural support. Hades pushed them open to reveal a sight that widened Zagreus’ eyes and made him almost wish he’d bled out on his bathroom floor.  
Before them was a massive crowd of people, most chatting, some dancing, and the rest were all gathered around Poseidon, in his underwear, sucking beer through straws out of cans strapped to a hat that he was, against all odds, somehow managing to keep on his head while breakdancing.  
Hades, somehow completely defying his established personality by ignoring that insanity entirely, turned around and placed his hand on Zagreus’ shoulder, Persephone imitating the action with his other shoulder, which calmed the boy down somewhat. “Your mother and I need to go speak with Minos, Rhadamanthus, and Aeacus about some judgements they’ve made recently, will you be good on your own?”  
Zagreus did his best to remain composed. “Still working?”  
Persephone gave him a warm, motherly smile. “Sweetheart, this job never stops. Go find someone to talk to. We love you.”  
The two of them, with Dionysus, turned around and headed towards three elaborately-dressed men that appeared to be made of gold, stone, and platinum sitting around a fountain spouting red wine that really seemed to catch Dionysus’ eye for some reason.  
His parents now focused almost entirely on their work, Zagreus glanced around, scanning the crowds, searching for someone to talk to, someone he knew, so he could focus on anything other than his crippling agoraphobia. He felt his heart beating faster and faster as he scanned the crowds, recognizing fewer and fewer people. He began to hyperventilate, vision starting to blur as his chest tightened. He fell to one knee, summoning a silver metal cane iin a small puff of black particles to help prop him up.  
“Honey, what’s wrong?” A familiar voice asked from behind him.  
Zagreus whirled around to find a massive, muscled, rose-colored man looking down at him with concern. He wore a salmon pink polo shirt and khakis with beige boat shoes. Said polo shirt looked very tight on the man, emphasizing a massive musculature that somehow didn’t make him look intimidating at all. In fact, it only made him look more huggable, which is exactly what Zagreus did.  
Zagreus pressed his face into Eros’ chest, wrapping his thin arms around the rosey god’s massive torso. He smelled like orchids and roses. Eros squeezed him back, looking down at him with concern. “Oh, sweetie, anxiety attack?”  
Zagreus nodded, saying nothing. He wasn’t ashamed; his mother and his godfather-and Dionysus, he supposed; a baby couldn’t understand and wouldn’t remember any of this-were the only three people he felt safe being vulnerable around. Zagreus personally didn’t see much use in having a godfather, given that he was nearly an adult and gods only died if something killed them (and killing one of his parents was, in his opinion, an impossible feat, to say nothing of killing both of them), but if it meant he got to spend more time with Eros, he was content with that.  
Eros smiled widely and affectionately. “Don’t worry, sweetie, you couldn’t be safer here. Just a bunch of relatives that love you and a ton of people that would lose their jobs if they did anything that wasn’t supportive of you. Poseidon even started breakdancing specifically to draw attention away from the four of you before you arrived!”  
Zagreus remained attached to Eros, but looked over his shoulder at Poseidon, who was continuing to embody his “Earthshaker” epithet in a much more figurative way than he normally did.  
Zagreus let go of Eros, stepping back. He couldn’t think of anything to say, but Eros seemed to pick up on that, and continued the conversation himself. “So, how’s homeschooling going for you?”  
Zagreus perked up a bit. “Pretty great, actually. Way better than normal school. Lord Chiron and Lady Athena are great teachers.” He decided to omit the fact that Ares was teaching him in combat as well, that tended to go over poorly with just about everyone.  
“Tell me about while we go get a drink.” Eros motioned for Zagreus to follow him.  
Zagreus’ eyes widened. “I haven’t had anything to drink before.”  
Eros got a mischievous twinkle in his eye, raising an eyebrow. “Sweetie, are you seriously telling me your father never offered you a sip of that awful brandy he loves?”  
Zagreus rubbed the back of his head awkwardly, unsure how exactly to break it to him. “Uh...”  
Eros giggled. “Don’t worry, we’ll start you with some champaign.”  
Eros grabbed Zagreus by the arm and all but skipped gleefully towards the long table covered in dozens of kinds of alcohol. Eros enthusiastically grabbed an empty wine glass and filled it up with a rosé far past where Zagreus would have considered reasonable.  
Zagreus was only somewhat surprised to see that his mother, the epitome of lightweights, was only halfway through what was her first or second glass of champagne and having to cling to Hades, now holding Dionysus, to stay on her feet.  
Eros looked on at his mother with both worry and pity. “Oh, probably drank some to be polite and liked it a bit too much, poor thing.”  
Hades spotted Zagreus and dashed over to him, dragging Persephone along with him. Hades frantically passed Dionysus to Zagreus, who dropped his cane, dissipating it, to reach out and grab the infant. Zagreus looked down at his little brother, who was groggily opening up his eyes in response to the commotion, then back up at his father, intensely perplexed.  
Hades frowned, forehead creasing. “Zagreus, I’m sorry to place this burden on you, I really am, but I’m going to need to take your mother back home and get her into bed. I’ll return as quickly as possible.”  
Persephone groaned something about not wanting to leave yet, weakly motioning towards Dionysus. Hades ignored her, mouthing “I’m sorry” to Zagreus before scooping the rapidly-fading Persephone up in his arms like a doll and quickly striding away towards the exit.  
Zagreus, now with a baby in his arms, decided it best that he not have anything to drink tonight on the off chance he’d been saddled with his mother’s alcohol tolerance. Even if he had the tolerance of several elephants, like his father, he still shouldn’t risk anything.  
“Well, I don’t think I should be drinking anything toni-Eros?” Zagreus looked up at his godfather.  
“IS THAT DIONYSUS?! AH! HE’S EVEN CUTER THAN I IMAGINED!” Eros squealed with a burst of pink light, gulping down the glass of rosé at an astounding speed yanking the baby from Zagreus’ hands and planting kisses all over his face, both of them laughing joyously.  
Zagreus couldn’t help but smile as well. “Yeah, he’s really something.”  
Eros’ eyes widened. He brought Dionysus up close to his face, running his fingers through the boy’s rich purple hair and raising a vine with his index and middle fingers. “These are grape vines!”  
Zagreus shrugged, unsure of what to really say. “The Oracle did identify him as a nature and fertility god of some kind.”  
Eros held the infant close for a moment, then his face turned sour as Dionysus let out an almost mischievous giggle. “Uh oh. I think someone needs a diaper change.”  
Zagreus froze up, the smell only just now hitting him. “Uhh, I don’t know how to change those yet...”  
“I do, and I believe your mother put some dispensers next to the changing tables. Have a drink, I’ll be right back.”  
Zagreus didn’t worry about leaving Dionysus alone with him because he loved and trusted his godfather unconditionally, so he simply thanked Eros before the latter walked away, cooing at the purple baby in his arms. Zagreus stood in place awkwardly for a moment, his agoraphobia-induced anxiety rapidly returning. He needed to act proactively this time. He’d heard about the “anxiety-reducing” effects of alcohol, and he didn’t bring any of his medication with him. He hesitantly poured himself a glass of red wine, sniffing it. He immediately recoiled reflexively, blinking as he felt like he’d been punched in the sinuses. It smelled like exactly what it was: fermented grape juice. Pleasant in a strange way, but mostly just gross. As his surrounding rapidly grew more intimidating, he decided to steel himself and take a swallow of it.  
His eyes widened. This stuff was amazing. He immediately downed the rest of the glass, refilling it with more, and then downing it again. Then again.  
Following that, he was still plenty anxious. Alcohol must not be particularly fast-acting. Sliding his foot under the table, he melted into the tables’ shadows and waited for it to take effect. Blending into the shadow was always a bizarre sensation, but it felt less strange the darker the shadow was. Almost moments later, a woman with skin like a pink sunset in expensive-looking three-inch heels that shined in the same way as mother of pearl walked up to the exact spot he’d been standing with Eros.  
“Dammit dad, where the hell’d you go...” She trailed off.  
Her voice was like liquid gold. Even as a corporeal shadow, Zagreus somehow managed to feel his heartbeat go up.  
Wait, was she looking for her father?  
Could this be Eros’ daughter? He’d only heard her mentioned before as an up and coming therapist and psychiatrist, and he felt remarkably stupid now that he couldn’t remember her name.  
Well, he had to come out sometime. He slid out from under the table, still an amorphous mass of shadow, and reassembled himself into his humanoid form.  
When he saw her, he stopped breathing, felt his stomach do a backflip, and his heart skipped multiple beats.  
She was extremely tall for a woman, far surpassing him in height. In those heels, she had to be easily more than six feet. Her dress was long and silver, and while it was rather simple in design, her naturally generous curves added a certain elegance to it. Her hair was a shimmering rose-gold color, and her eyes were the same color as sunflowers. Massive golden-accented silver butterfly wings protruded from her back, and when the light hit certain parts of them just right, they shimmered like mother of pearl.  
Her sculpted features, full lips and large, rounded eyes indicated that this was most definitely the daughter of Eros and Psyche. No one else could be this gorgeous.  
And she was a doctor, too? Impossible, no one was this full of a package.  
Remembering that he needed to breath and that he was most certainly staring, Zagreus coughed anxiously, averting his eyes. “Uh, e-excuse-”  
She let out an involuntary yell and a handbag collided with the side of Zagreus’ face. He stumbled backwards, reeling and slipping his hand underneath the hair that covered half of his face of rub his cheek. “...agh, man, jeez, did you really need to do that?”  
She gasped. “Oh my gods, I’m so sorry, I’m just a little rattled right now. I can’t find my dad.”  
He looked up at her with a consternated expression, still highly intimidated, in a good way (sort of), by this amazon of a woman. “Uh, that wouldn’t happen to be Eros, would it?”  
She looked mildly taken aback. “You know him?”  
“Yeah. He’s, uh, he’s my godfather.”  
The goddess’ eyes widened in what Zagreus desperately hoped wasn’t fear.  
It was almost assuredly the alcohol giving him the confidence to do this after being hit with a handbag by a goddess like this, but even so, he went for it. Zagreus stuck out his hand to introduce himself. “Zagreus, Crown Prince of the Underworld and God of We’re-Still-Figuring-It-Out.”  
Gods, that joke was awful. He desperately hoped she didn’t notice or care. Fortunately, she didn’t appear to.  
She giggled ever so slightly, likely the anxiety that naturally follows one accidentally assaulting the Crown Prince with an expensive handbag, and shook his hand. His entire arm tingled when she gripped his hand. Her hand was very warm. “Hedone, Ph.D, Goddess of Joy, Pleasure, Happiness, that kind of thing. I’m a therapist.”  
So she was a therapist. Psychiatrist, probably. There was a high demand for drugs in the Underworld, even with more recent crackdowns.  
“What are you studying?” She asked him.  
He rubbed the back of his head nervously, idly noticing that he was rapidly tapping his foot. “I’m, uh, I’m being homeschooled and studying under Lord Chiron and Lady Athena. He’s focusing on government right now, and she’s been tutoring me on military strategy and warfare since I was seven. I just finished with medicine two months ago.” Felt like a relevant thing to mention, given that she was a doctor of sorts. “I’m looking at degrees in law and medicine.”  
She raised her eyebrows. “Oh wow. Are you going to succeed your father one day?”  
Zagreus shrugged. “I mean, that’s how it’s supposed to work, but that’ll only happen if both my parents retire or pass away, and honestly, I don’t think either are particularly likely,” he gave her a lopsided smile, looking back up at her, “my dad’s a bit of a workaholic, and my mom cares too much about people to voluntarily let go of the crown.”  
She smiled tiredly, nodding. “Yeah, I feel that. I’d get so bored if I stopped working. Not enough doctors on Olympus, and we haven’t had a proper god of medicine in a while. Athena’s good enough in the interim position, I suppose, but she’s better at killing people.”  
Zagreus had an idea that he certainly wouldn’t have even thought of proposing if the alcohol wasn’t significantly increasing his confidence. “Ms. Hedone, this is going to sound a little weird, but, uh, do you happen to have any injuries at the moment? Cuts, bruises, scars?”  
“Uh, I’ve dealt with chronic stiffness in my thighs and hamstrings since puberty.” She replied, clearly made uncomfortable by the question but not wanting to tell the Crown Prince of the Underworld to go away.  
Zagreus felt bad about that, but he’d dealt with much more complicated injuries and health problems than that. “I, erhm, I think I can help with that.”  
Zagreus knelt down and raised his hands to her legs, blushing, but still retaining his focus. “Please tell me if this makes you uncomfortable.” He requested.  
She nodded, likely unsure of what to expect.  
Zagreus took a deep, shaky breath as he closed his eyes. When he opened them, they were glowing pure white once more. As usual, he didn’t know exactly what he was doing, he just sort of intuitively felt around for the stiff spots, and found significant stiffness in her thighs, particularly around her knees. Her right patella was ever so slightly out of place, likely a result of her growing to be as tall as she had during adolescence; it probably popped or made a grinding noise whenever she went up stairs. Breathing deeply once more, he gently released the tension in her musculature and slowly moved her kneecap back into place. Once he was done, he blinked, eyes returning back to their normal red, and stood up. Hedone rubbed the previously stiff areas blinking multiple times in rapid succession. She removed her heels, reducing her height down to somewhere around 5’11, and began bending her legs, particularly her right.  
Her eyes widened again as she returned her gaze to Zagreus. “So you can do that, and the stuff with shadows?”  
“My mom’s a fertility goddess too, so I, uh, I can lift a few tons over my head? I’m, uh, I’m no Heracles, obviously, but male deities nursed by fertility and family goddesses seem to produce offspring with super strength, so my little brother Dionysus is going to be really strong too.”  
She laughed, stepping back into her heels. “Just, holy shit, thank you.”  
Zagreus found himself laughing too, but then he noticed something. Eros had been gone an extremely long time.  
“So, you originally came over here looking for your dad, right?”  
“Yeah, he said he was going to get something to drink and never came back.” She explained.  
Something smelled funny to Zagreus. “He was just over here, but he offered to go change my little brother’s diaper and went off to the bathroom. A little bit after that, you showed up.”  
She frowned, placing her fist over her mouth and crossing her other arm over her ribcage. “I don’t like this.”  
Zagreus felt his stomach churning. What was going on? “Agreed. I’ll go check the bathroom.”  
Zagreus blended into the shadows underneath the long stretch of tables and sped along underneath them, reforming at the end of the line and rushing towards the men’s restroom, following the signs and pushing open the door. It appeared empty at first, until he saw what looked like Eros’ shoes through the gap underneath one of the stalls. Without thinking, Zagreus rushed over to the stall and, tapping into a miniscule amount of his divine strength, ripped the door from its hinges. Eros was unconscious, with Dionysus nowhere to be found. Zagreus felt his blood run cold. He picked Eros up and carried him over his shoulder (a genuinely absurd sight, if anyone had been around to see it) outside of the bathroom, gently setting him down and leaning him up against the wall. Zagreus placed his hands on Eros’ cheeks, checking him for high blood-alcohol levels as he scanned parts of his body for injuries. After turning Eros’ head to the right, he found bite marks in the side of his godfather’s neck. They were recent, and the blood leaking from them contained worrying amounts of an Empusa’s venom.  
Oh no.  
There was a shapeshifter in their midst, and he had just given his baby brother to her.  
Zagreus used his powers to remove as much of the venom from his blood as he could before sealing up the wound (Empusa venom was merely a sedative to deities, albeit a powerful one, and deities could metabolize it relatively easily). He then melted into the shadows and zipped back to Hedone, who was waiting anxiously in the same spot.  
Reappearing, he immediately explained the situation in a flat, serious tone. No time for anxiety now. “Your father’s been attacked by an Empusa; probably one that got out of Tartarus. My brother’s been kidnapped by a shapeshifter. The dots are easy enough to connect. I placed your father directly outside the men’s bathroom, he’s safe. I’m going to locate the Empusa, incapacitate her if I can, destroy her if I can’t, and recover my brother.”  
Before Hedone could properly respond, he melted back into the shadows. He no longer had eyes to close, but he could still feel himself close them, and focused in on the unique signature of his little brother’s soul; a sort of scent. In his mother’s case, he would smell flowers. His little brother smelled similarly, like fruits; grapes predominantly. He followed the smell, exiting the shadows after slipping underneath the door to the event hall and summoning his cane, gripping it tightly as he sped down the hallway and the smell of his little brother grew stronger and stronger. He noticed in his periphery that he was also following the directions on the wall to Tartarus, but he didn’t slow down. He couldn’t afford to. Soon enough, the smell grew strong enough that he couldn’t tell what direction it was coming from.  
He was tracking an Empusa, how else could he find her?  
“Shit shit shit shit shit…” He cursed quietly, desperately searching his memories of monster biology for a solution.  
Empusae had one organic leg, and one copper leg. Pausing for a moment, temporarily halting his breathing, he heard the distinct, distant sound of one footstep followed by one metallic clanking sound.  
He felt a strange sort of relief in spite of the circumstances. Got her.  
He sprinted further down the hallway, towards the clanking sound and getting further and further to Tartarus. He began seeing roots of the Great Tree of Persephone in the walls and floor, growing thicker and thicker as he neared the door and closed in on the clanking footsteps. He turned right, then clung to the wall with one hand as he took the last turn before the entrance to the deepest pit in the world. He stopped after turning the corner, seeing a curvaceous woman with a hoofed copper leg, claws, and long braided black hair wearing a black chiton holding his little brother surprisingly carefully. The door to Tartarus, normally locked with incredibly complex biometric locks, was wide open (because of course a shapeshifter could do that), leading to the deep, endless pit it had been converted into after the incident that had created the Tree.  
He adopted a wild-eyed glare, baring his teeth before smacking his cane against the wall.  
“HEY!” He shouted. It sounded strange, almost like one of his father’s dogs’ squeaky toys that had been squeezed too hard. He wasn’t used to producing loud noises.  
The Empusa turned around, grinning. “Your brother will be with Kronos soon, child.”  
So it was an attack planned by his grandfather to strike back at Hades for deposing him.  
With that, the Empusa tossed Dionysus into Tartarus, laughing as she did so. A winged shade caught him and flew down deep into the pit at incredible speed.  
Zagreus lost control, eyes flashing red. He sped forward and squeezed a switch on his cane’s handle with his middle finger, extending two sharp blades from two of the cane’s sides and a sharp point from the tip. He sprinted past the laughing Empusa, slashing furiously at her neck and lopping her head off. He was splattered with black blood as he became the first person to willingly enter Tartarus since his father had years ago, leaping forward and nosediving into the blackness.  
______________________________________________________________________  
December 31st, Circa ~600 B.C  
9:48 P.M  
Hades and Persephone’s Abode, Greek Underworld

Hades tucked Persephone into bed, placing a small bucket next to their bed, so she could reach for it if she began to feel nauseous again. He stroked her forehead with an ungloved hand, remembering the night he met her, and an unfortunate amount of parties they’d gone to as a couple following their marriage. Persephone was a lot of absolutely wonderful things, but “heavyweight” was simply not one of them.  
As he was standing up and slipping his glove back on, he felt a buzzing in his pocket. Quickly pulling his glove on, he stuffed his hand in his pocket and removed his phone. Hecate was calling. That was strange, she never did that.  
He picked up. “Hecate? What’s going on?”  
“THERE’S BEEN A SECURITY BREACH IN TARTARUS.” She shouted into the phone.  
Hades stopped breathing. “Security camera footage. Now.”  
Hecate obliged, sending it to him. What Hades saw was horrifying. An Empusa had found its way out of Tartarus, infiltrated the party, stolen Dionysus, and that had resulted in Zagreus entering Tartarus to recover him. The live feed of night-vision cameras was even worse. He saw Zagreus battling shades with his cane as he fell through the pit.  
At least he could be thankful to Ares for one thing: his son had become remarkably skilled at killing things.  
Hecate was silent for a moment. “...Hades?”  
“I’m coming. Keep the guests focused on the party, this shouldn’t take long.” He said quietly, stuffing his phone back in his pocket, summoning his bident, and flying straight through the ceiling and towards Tartarus.  
___________________________________________________________________________  
December 31st, Circa ~600 B.C  
9:59 P.M  
Tartarus, Moving Extraordinarily Quickly Towards the Stygian Abyss

Zagreus grimaced as he gripped a winged shade by the neck and shoved his pointed cane into its glowing cyan eye and out through the back of its head. At least these things didn’t bleed. He then immediately jumped off of it, cranking the cane’s handle to the left slightly and turning it into a bladed whip. He stuck the hooked tip into the nearest shade and pulled the creature in, gripping it by the neck.  
“WHERE DID THAT SHADE TAKE MY BROTHER?! WHERE IS KRONOS?!” He shouted at it over the sound of the air rushing past his ears at incredible speeds.  
The monster made some vague noises that resembled gagging as it limply clawed at Zagreus. One of the creature’s claws managed to slash his cheek. Zagreus cursed involuntarily, headbutting it with sufficient force to cave its skull in before messily tearing its head off.  
Zagreus growled in frustration. The air was moving too fast for him to smell anything, there were too many different souls around him to differentiate between them, and he could only hear the wind. He couldn’t see any walls, and the nearest floor was likely ages away. He thought for a moment that he could meld with the shadows to move faster, but then he’d have to deal with what was whatever waiting for him at the bottom of the pit alone. And that would more than likely turn out poorly. Time to bring out his “trump card,” as Ares had once described it.  
Zagreus’ eyes turned completely black, and he called forth an aspect of his soul that had been by calling its name: “Επιαλης.”  
The entity, “Epiales,” exited his body through his eyes and mouth, three separate streams of liquid darkness unifying into one stream and forming a massive, vaguely humanoid construct about the size of a small house that was best described as appearing to be made of black lava; ever-shifting black ooze with black carapacial armor. Zagreus had Epiales reach out and grab him before the armor opened up, Epiales inserting Zagreus inside of it before the armor closed back up, Epiales reforming into the the shape of a missile. A massive beam of purple energy shot out the back of the back of Epiales, propelling them downward as quickly as possible. Reaching and surpassing terminal velocity in an incredibly short time, Zagreus waited until the last possible second to leap from Epiales before it collided with the ground with a massive explosion of purple and blue energy, illuminating shades that had been sent flying in nearly every direction, and some that had simply been turned into giblets where Epiales had collided with them. While Epiales reformed from the puddle of black ooze it had been turned into, Zagreus latched onto a distant surviving shade from the attack with his cane and pulled himself in, tackling it with a (less forceful than earlier) headbutt before holding the pointed tip of his cane underneath its chin.  
“Fucking TALK you filth-” Zagreus began, hissing at it.  
A familiar voice spoke from behind him. “They can’t.”  
Zagreus looked behind him quickly to see his father standing behind him, bident in hand and eyes glowing white. “Dad?”  
Hades snapped his fingers and dissolved the shade in Zagreus’ grip. “You can’t see in here, and what if that Adamantite cane of yours breaks? Some of the monsters down here could snap that thing in two.”  
Zagreus merely pointed at Epiales. “I got THAT, and it’s Adamantite. It doesn’t break.”  
“Yes it can, Zagreus, under the right circumstances, and there are creatures exponentially larger than Epiales in here, Zagreus.”  
Zagreus tightened his grip on said cane, refraining from mentioning how Epiales was growing at an exponential rate and was unlikely to stop any time soon. “This is my brother, and we have to go-”  
Hades interrupted him. “Stay here. Destroy any shades that attack you. I’ll return shortly.”  
“Wha-” Zagreus started before Hades flew past him fast enough to blow his hair back.  
“...Gaia-fucking-dammit.” Zagreus growled.  
Zagreus created more lights with his cane and stood in place, tapping his foot rapidly as he grew more and more anxious. Epiales stood completely still, as it had no orders at the moment.  
Time passed. Not a lot, but enough to render Zagreus anxious enough to begin pacing.  
He began hearing loud noises coming from the general direction his father had flown. Shouting, explosions, metal clanging on metal.  
Zagreus grimaced. He needed to do something. “Calm down, calm down, think, what can you do...”  
Immense physical strength, Epiales, his Adamantite cane, healing, umbrakinesis-  
He snapped his fingers as an idea came to him. While he was healing others, he was able to link to their nervous systems to repair damaged nerves. He did this exclusively at point-blank range, as the process was incredibly difficult, and on several instances, if the person he was healing was unsure of their particular ailment and they were sufficiently poor at describing it, he would link their nervous systems, so he would feel it as well.  
Perhaps he could do it at range?  
He scrambled forward in the direction his father had flown, searching for a shade. Epiales turning into a wave of black ooze to follow along behind him and properly match his pace. He quickly spotted the eyes of one. It shambled towards him, dented helmet shifting around atop its head and tattered cloak blowing in Tartarus’ cold, sourceless, howling winds.  
Zagreus brightened the lights floating around him to render the shadows of both himself and the shade practically opaque. He extended his shadow out towards the shades, and upon linking the two, the shade stopped in its tracks. Zagreus “felt around,” for lack of a better term, in its nervous system and connected himself to its ocular nerves. Suddenly, he could see out of both his eyes and the shades, and he could see in the dark perfectly. Tartarus was a massive, largely featureless cave system.  
Then, he heard a voice in his mind. It was desperate; terrified. "Please do not destroy me," it begged, sounding almost like it was crying. It could have only been coming from the shade, given that Epiales currently lacked a mind of its own.  
Zagreus looked to the Shade. “You can think?”  
"We all can."  
Zagreus had been told that the shades sent to Tartarus were no more than mindless animals. Feral beasts not even fit for manual labor. The worst of mankind. This creature was clearly sapient, thinking, feeling.  
The shade continued. "We do not desire to follow Kronos’ orders, but he would destroy us all if we did not."  
Zagreus, now realizing the fact that he’d effectively just committed murder of unwilling participants in this plan at least twice, decided to try and make this right.  
“I’m Hades’ son. If you and every shade we can find help my father and I get my brother back, and permit me to see through your eyes while we’re here, I’ll do what I can to improve your conditions here, at very least.”  
"Why should we believe you?" It sounded hesitant.  
Zagreus approached the shade, placing his hand on its shoulder. It felt cold. It grew colder when Zagreus wiftly directed the point on the end of his cane at the shade’s head. “Because I’ve already killed two of you, and I really, really don’t want to hurt anyone else.” It wasn’t a lie. Now that he knew these things were just as sapient as people, Zagreus truly did not want to hurt any of them. But as Athena and Ares had both taught him, threats were sometimes necessary.  
The shade, out of options merely nodded, motioning towards the area behind Zagreus. Zagreus turned around, and saw hundreds of pairs of glowing cyan eyes staring at him. They must have been hiding in the darkness, ready and waiting to attack him if they needed to. That was a sobering thought.  
Zagreus looked around at his soon-to-be-forces, and then merged his shadow with all of them.  
___________________________________________________________________________  
December 31st, 2015  
11:19 P.M  
A large villa attached to a vineyard in Tuscany, Italy.  
Weather: Clear and warm. Summery.

A god stood in the backyard of his home in the mortal world, staring at the moon over his vineyard. He appeared to be rather young, around twenty, perhaps twenty-one years old, and stood at around 5’7, short for a man. His skin was a rich purple, and let off a mild amount of light. His hair, a slightly darker purple, long and wavy, was blown around by the gentle breeze. His features were angular, but possessed a certain softness. Prominent cheekbones, and his father’s nose and mouth. His magenta eyes sparkled with a bit of well-aged mischievousness. A pair of corsican ram’s horns protruded from the god’s head, and each had grape vines wrapped around them as a kind of all-natural ornamentation. A crown of vines sat atop his head. He wore a satin forest green dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows and the top three buttons undone, revealing a small amount of his statuesque physique. He wore khaki dress pants, brown loafers, and his brown leather belt’s buckle had a small image of a bushel of grapes etched into it. There was a small platinum wedding band on his left ring finger, and his earlobes were pierced with emerald studs.  
“Dionysus! Get that cute butt of yours in here, we got guests to talk to!” A female voice shouted.  
The purple god, Dionysus, turned around to face the source of the voice. It was, of course, his wife talking to him from just outside of their home. She was only an inch shorter than him, at 5’6. Her skin was the color of oxidized copper, and her hair, currently pulled back into a ponytail by a small black ringneck snake, was the color of polished copper, and fell down to her thighs. Her eyes were an emerald green that Dionysus never tired once took for granted. She wore an ivory sweater dress, black leggings, brown riding boots, and a denim jacket. Around her neck was a turquoise white-lipped viper, seemingly asleep, and around her slim wrist was a third snake, a tiny black bimini blind snake. On her left ring finger was a platinum wedding ring, with a pinkish-purple diamond embedded in the center. A crown made of white light hovered slightly above her head like a halo.  
Dionysus grinned, genuine happiness and a hint of mischief in his eyes, as usual. “Anyone in particular, Ariadne?”  
Ariadne appeared to want to respond, but the snake in her hair undid itself and slithered down to her shoulder and got to it first. “Yer brother’s sittin’ all alone, y’purple prick.”  
Dionysus snorted. “Frank, if one of us is talking to you, we’ll let you know, alright?”  
Frank grumbled, slithering back up her neck and into her hair.  
Ariadne smiled as Dionysus opened the door to their home for her. “Sometimes I wonder why you gave him a cigs ‘n whiskey voice with a Northern New Jersey accent.”  
Dionysus shrugged, grinning impishly. “Hey man, variety is the spice of life. Also I think we were in New Jersey at the time. Also I was drunk.”  
Their cozily-decorated home was full of supernatural entities, all drinking, in moderation, and chatting. Most were Greek. His parents Hades and Persephone were having a conversation about Underworld tax policy with his basically-grandmother Rhea. His godparents Eros and Psyche were sitting by the fireplace with some wine and cheese of some sort, while Dionysus’ half-sister Melinoe discussed schizotypal personality disorders with Hedone, Dionysus’ half-brother’s girlfriend. Medusa, Ariadne’s best friend, and her wife Dike kept focused on each other, as usual, slow-dancing with their heads on each others’ shoulders to the slow pacing of Frank Sinatra’s “It Had To Be You,” being sung in the background by the man himself, with the instrumentation played by the most skillful musicians Dionysus could fine; all having been pulled out of their respective afterlives for the evening as a favor from his father.  
In addition to them, there were more “international” guests as well, including Amaterasu and her husband Eiji (both dressed in the hilariously out of place Japanese traditional wear because Dionysus had “forgotten” to inform them of the cancellation of the traditional dress code), and the poet-turned warlock Dante Alighieri and his partner Beatrice the Archangel. All four were discussing something at the dining table near the kitchen. The Norse war god Tyr was asleep on one of their couches, having consumed approximately one quarter of Dionysus and Ariadne’s supply of alcohol.  
As for the rest of the guests, there were a few dozen more that Dionysus either recognized in passing from trips to Olympus or the Underworld, or from trips to other divine locations. Mostly invited for political reasons, he didn’t particularly care for anyone but those he recognized.  
Ariadne laughed as they entered the living room and sat down on a couch by themselves. “You sure fuckin’ were, little booze goblin. How much was it again?”  
Dionysus had to pause for a moment, counting on his fingers. When he ran out of fingers, he merely shrugged.  
She laughed again. “But yeah, Frank’s right, that old soldier brother of yours is downing all the wine by himself.”  
Dionysus glanced over at a tall, horned, bearded god with slightly tapered slicked-back white hair and an eyepatch in a black suit sitting at their kitchen counter alone as he grasped a glass of red wine in a gloved hand and downed it in one swallow. He looked exhausted, as if he’d been awake for the past month.  
That was definitely Zagreus.  
Dionysus looked back to Ariadne. “He always does that. Not my fault he likes to sulk.”  
Ariadne glared at Dionysus, clearly disappointed. “That guy saved your life when you were a baby, he keeps that fucknugget Theseus in a box made of tinder in Tartarus, and he introduced my best friend to her wife on my request. You owe him, and I owe him for two things, which means I’m gonna push you really hard on this. He’s also your brother; family.”  
“I mean, it’s not like I don’t wanna help the guy, I love him, but I really don’t know how this time.” Dionysus admitted sheepishly.  
Ariadne exhaled in exasperation. “Man, I love you to death, but you can be dense as hell. If you really can’t figure it out, talk to the two people here that work with him all the time.”  
Dionysus’s eyes flicked between the two men she was probably talking about. “What, Eiji and Dante? Didn’t Eiji hand Black Lotus Investigations off to someone else recently? What was her name? Chiharu?”  
“Well yeah, but Zagreus contracted out Eiji for centuries, and he still works with Dante sometimes.”  
Dionysus leaned forward, elbows on his knees and fists covering his mouth. After thinking for a moment, he turned to Ariadne. “Okay, I got Dante and Eiji covered, you got Hedone?”  
Ariadne nodded. “Good plan. We’ll meet back in the pantry.”  
Dionysus nodded, standing up and walking over to the dining table. It was just out of Zagreus’ earshot in an environment this loud, fortunately. All four of them had wine glasses as well, though Beatrice didn’t appear to have consumed any of hers. Beatrice wore a simple white Jones dress, and Dante wore effectively the same thing as Dionysus in blue and black instead of green and khaki. Amaterasu wore a white silk kimono with a red obi, and a white haori with white trim, with two swords at her hips; Dionysus suspected the longer of the two was Kusanagi-no-Tsurugi, and the shorter was Ame-no-Ohabari. Her husband wore a grey kimono, a blue obi, and black hakama with a large navy blue haori. Unlike his wife, he was unarmed, but anyone who knew him more than not at all knew that his divine designation of Kirinjin indicated he wasn’t humanoid all the time.  
Sitting down next to Dante, his favorite of the four people at the table, Dionysus caught the tail end of some story Dante was telling. “...and I swear, after that day in ‘88, I religiously watched every Godzilla movie.”  
Eiji sighed. “Dante, most Godzilla films are terrible. Why do you do that to yourself?”  
Dante grinned. “I know, it’s why I watch ‘em. It’s awesome garbage. Especially with the bad English dubbing.”  
Eiji placed his face in his hands and groaned in frustration as Amaterasu laughed and leaned across the table, giving Dante a high-five that sounded like it stung. “Damn right! One of our best-worst exports.”  
Beatrice smiled gently at Dionysus from opposite him. “Hello, Dionysus. You and Ariadne have a lovely home in the mortal world.”  
“You really do. You keep it remarkably clean.” Eiji added.  
“Ha! Oh, if only you’d seen the place before you all came over. I leave dirty laundry everywhere.” Dionysus laughed.  
Eiji glanced affectionately at his wife for a moment. “Yes, Ammy does that too.”  
Amaterasu affectionately turned Eiji’s face back towards Dionysus “Hey, I’m the sun, I got shit to do.”  
Dionysus’ grin turned to a mild smile. “Okay, I need to talk to everyone about something.”  
Beatrice and Eiji focused on him as Dante and Amaterasu stopped talking about kaiju films and turned to look at Dionysus expectantly.  
Dionysus motioned towards his brother with his head. “My brother over there’s not doing so good, and you two,” he motioned to Eiji and Dante, “work with him a lot, I’m guessing talk with him too. He say anything lately, anything that might have him feeling like, uh, that?”  
Dionysus pointed to Zagreus, who was even beginning to dim the lights in the kitchen and darken the shadows; probably completely unintentionally.  
Beatrice answered first. “I’ll admit, I don’t know him that well, but may I ask what normally brings him down like this?”  
Dionysus was no longer smiling. “Um, normally nothing. He’s not a really happy guy, per se, but he’s extremely resilient. As long as I’ve known him, guy’s been like a rock.”  
Amaterasu’s golden eyes flickered between Zagreus and Dionysus. “Well what changed recently?”  
Eiji breathed deeply (still something Dionysus found strange) and pointed over to Hedone. “She and Hedone have been dating for about ten years, and they’ve known each other for eons. He’s been generally happier since they got together. Hedone too, from what my contacts have told me. Greater happiness means sadness hits harder too.”  
Dante looked incredibly perplexed, almost concerned. “But they work so well together. The daemons I summon that’re on parole from Tartarus tell me she’d come by sometimes with pastries.”  
Now this was only getting more confusing for Dionysus. “Well, he’s a really private guy, it might not have something to do with her. We can’t know for sure.”  
Eiji shook his head. “No, this is her. There’s a lot I can’t do anymore since my purification, but I can still pick up on emotions, and she’s feeling a lot of anxiety too. I’d advise discussing this with her or simply approaching him directly. He trusts you, Dionysus.”  
Beatrice nodded in agreement, her halo bobbing with the motion. “I agree. Approaching him directly will yield the best results.”  
Dionysus looked at the four of them. “Ah fuck, alright. Thanks, guys. Enjoy the wine, and the food coming later.”  
Dionysus’ wry smile returned as he raised an eyebrow at Beatrice. “C’mon, Beatrice, you can drink outside of a church without spontaneously combusting. I mean, you’ve been screwin’ a pagan warlock for a few-hundred years now and all that’s happened during that time is a promotion, yeah?”  
Beatrice turned beet red and one of her wings twitched, a few feathers coming loose. Dante laughed so hard he fell over in his chair. Eiji chuckled slightly. Amaterasu stretched her hand out for another high five, which Dionysus gladly met with a loud SMACK.  
Amaterasu cackled at Beatrice. “You’ll feel less embarrassed if you gulp some of that stuff down, honey.” Beatrice immediately tried to channel Zagreus and chug the whole cup, but only succeeded in making herself choke on it.  
Dante picked himself and his chair up off the floor, scooting his chair back in. Dionysus entered his pantry, closing the door, and found his wife waiting for him there, conveniently enough.  
“So what’s the deal?” Dionysus whispered.  
She placed her hand on her husband’s shoulder. “Zagreus has been growing really distant over the past few months, and she’s concerned that he wants to break up with her because he’s talking to her less and less. You get anything?”  
Dionysus shook his head with widened eyes. “No, nothing at all like that, just found out that they’ve had a really great relationship until the past few months, apparently. She’d even go to work with him on her off days sometimes and bring cookies and stuff for daemons going through the rehab program in Tartarus.”  
“She told me about that too. Program’s working really well too, supposedly. Really good to hear the buildings I designed are being used well, but that’s not the point.”  
Dionysus sighed. “I think I just gotta talk to him.”  
Frank slithered out of Ariadne’s hair and onto her shoulder once again. “Oh, y’fuckin’ think? Shoulda just started with that.”  
Dionysus looked to Ariadne with pleading eyes. “Can I take out his voice, please?”  
Ariadne frowned. “No, I like Frank. Go talk to your brother.”  
Dionysus sighed again as he turned around and exited the pantry, cautiously approaching his brother from the back, patting him on the shoulder. Zagreus turned around, eye drooping, but more from what looked like crippling sadness than intoxication.  
Upon seeing his baby brother, however, all of the lighting returned to normal in the room. Zagreus gave Dionysus a sad smile as he stood up. The two brothers embraced tightly.  
“Hey Z.” Dionysus said quietly, affectionately.  
“Hey, kid.” Zagreus replied, equally affectionately.  
They separated themselves, placed their hands on each others’ shoulders, and then rammed each others’ foreheads and horns together with incredible force as a form of handshake. Both gods stood back, clearly dizzy following that display of fraternal affection.  
“Damn, nice one...ugh...” Zagreus grumbled, rubbing his good eye.  
Dionysus, even dizzier, fell on his rear. “Hey, uh, Z, little help please, ugh...”  
Zagreus slapped himself in the face to regain his focus and reached down to help his brother to his feet. “Apologies for that. Not meaning to be rude, but I think you may be the slightest bit out of practice.”  
“Heh, yeah, fell outta practice since I took the throne proper.”  
The two men took adjacent seats at the kitchen counter. Well, now or never. “So, Z, you didn’t look super good when I came over here. Something goin’ on, with, uh, with you and Hedone?”  
Zagreus looked back at Hedone anxiously, then reached into his suit coat, removing a small black velvet box and placing it in front of Dionysus.  
Dionysus’ eyes widened. “Holy fuC-MMF”  
Zagreus placed his hand over Dionysus’ mouth. “Quiet! I haven’t been talking to her because I wouldn’t be able to keep it a surprise until midnight tonight, but I see how anxious this is making her, and it kills me.” He hissed, removing his hand from Dionysus’ mouth immediately after concluding his explanation.  
“Can I see it?” Dionysus asked.  
“You’ll see it tonight, when she sees it.” Zagreus said flatly.  
Dionysus pursed his lips together in very clear frustration.  
“I, uh, I also wanted to ask you if you were alright,” Zagreus placed his hand on his brother’s back, “I-I don’t see any of your kids here.”  
Dionysus immediately lost his smile, feeling his heart sink. “Oenopion is busy covering for grandma down in Elysium so she can be here, Staphylus and Hymen are both busy with work, and Phthonus, Comus, and Priapus just didn’t respond to my calls, emails, or texts.”  
Zagreus grimaced sadly, downing more wine. “I’m sorry, kid.”  
Dionysus sighed sadly. “There’s only so much you can really do. Once they’re out of the house, they’re just not yours anymore, and we don’t wanna be ‘grippy’ like Demeter was.”  
“True enough, I suppose. Still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. The ones that were able to be here should have come, hell or high water.”  
Dionysus wiped a tear from his eye. Yeah, yeah, me too, man.”  
Both gods sat in silence. Dionysus summoned himself a cup of wine and began drinking out of it. It had been too long since they’d done this; easily a few years. For now they were both content to enjoy each other's company with Frank Sinatra singing in the background.  
Zagreus interrupted their silence after about two minutes. “Say, how long has it been since you took the throne on Olympus again?”  
Dionysus had to think about that. He sat back in his seat. “Oh man, I really don’t know. Couple thousand years and change, maybe? Lost count after a while. I actually do work, unlike Zeus.”  
Zagreus grinned with one side of his mouth, finishing another glass of wine. “Well, I’m sure he’d take a mountain of work over Kronos’ stomach.”  
Dionysus snorted.  
Both men were silent for another moment before Zagreus checked his watch. “Oh, shit, it’s 11:58!”  
Dionysus immediately refocused his attention from fantasies of his biological father in Tartarus to helping his brother. “Okay, okay, Zagreus, dude, listen to me, you can do this. You got probably the best ring out there, she already loves you, and you’re a fuckin’ catch, alright? She isn’t gonna say no.”  
Zagreus stared at Dionysus with a wide eye, looking almost like what Dionysus imagined him to be as a socially-dysfunctional teenager. “I-I-I got all the measurements right for the ring, it’s gonna fit perfectly, I-”  
Dionysus stood up and yanked him from his seat, straightening his back and shoving him in Ariadne’s direction. “Off you go, man. You can do it.”  
Lo and behold, after breathing for a few seconds, Zagreus actually seemed to be able to take it to heart. Dionysus watched as he asked to talk with her outside, her nodding nervously in response, and then called Ariadne over to watch the proposal itself. Nobody inside could hear what Zagreus or Hedone was saying, but after a minute or so of talking to her and her face quickly turning from fearful to anticipatory, Zagreus got down on one knee, removed the velvet box from his coat, and popped it open, revealing a stygian diamond ring (meaning that he’d fished it out of the River Styx himself) with probably the largest black diamond Dionysus had ever seen, which was saying something, because their mother’s wedding ring had a big rock embedded in it. Hedone didn’t precisely say “yes” when the New Years’ fireworks went off so much as scream and tackle her new fiancé to the ground, and after walking back inside, Eros tackled him again, squealing much in the same way his daughter had.  
Dionysus merely grinned as Ariadne squeezed him. “Took him long enough.”  
“How long you think it’ll take for ‘em to start poppin’ out kids?”  
“I give it two years at the most.”


End file.
